241 - suck on THAT, 242!!!

Yep, still here. I just couldn’t convince myself to post again until I broke that damn 242. So here I sit, at 241 and feeling better. My weight has been really up & down in the last couple of weeks, but only a few pounds. This week I’ve been exercising a lot and drinking Atkins shakes for breakfast and dinner, then having a salad with protein (chicken) for lunch. Not a lot of food, but it’s satisfying me (mostly) and it’s manageable. I have 8 separate Christmas parties in the next three weeks, so I certainly have a challenge coming up. But that also leaves a lot of days to be on program, and party days will be liquids until the party. So the goal is to start the New Year in the 230s. Looking over my journals for the last few months, I have consistently been losing 5 pounds a month. I need to double that. At least! I’ve been dicking around at the same weight for about 4 years now, and it’s time to get off my ass and do something about it. I’m turning 33 in January, and really would like to have a baby this year. So I’m going to buckle down, lose at least 60 pounds, and get my shit together.

Biggest Loser? Best. Show. Ever.Those people were SO inspiring at the finale. I cannot believe how good they looked. Even Matt, who I have hated the whole time, won me over now that he is finally able to smile again. But Catherine, dude, I wanted to smack her. And Nick, too. They went on that show and half-assed it, and took the opportunity away from so many others who would have worked their little hearts out. I was going to apply for the next show, but I don’t think they will consider Canadian applicants. So, I am just going to do it on my own.

OK, that's enough rambling for today. I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully with a really good number that starts with 23!

242, Dammit

Grrrrrr… still stuck at 242. Now I’m getting pissed off. No white carbs in a while, though! Now I just have to cut down on the amount of fat I’m consuming. For instance, last night I had hot wings for dinner. While low carb, not exactly low fat. Especially when you dip them in bleu cheese! OK, so shakes or salads for dinner from now on, at least until I’m comfortably back into the 230s. Exercise has also been shite the last couple of days – no good excuses really, just tired and have other things to do. I must make that my # 1 priority every day. Treadmill in the morning, then Curves after work. Easy. Tonight we've got our regular Thursday evening dinner at our friends' house, and I've been charged with picking up a shitload of Maui Ribs for us to BBQ. So, I'll have one of those and a big salad, but NO beer. Seriously, NO beer. Maybe a rum and diet Coke though - don't want to disappoint Captain Morgan now, do we??? Heh. Big non-scale victory for me today though - someone brought a big box of Timbits (donut holes) in - they are my weakness - and I have turned them down. Not even tempted. Well, maybe a little, but I'm not giving in. So, suck it, Tim Horton!!!

242

Wow, I’m shocked. And a little disappointed, but mostly shocked. I’ve had 4 whole days off work and I’m DOWN 2 pounds? Shocked because that never happens, and disappointed because I’ve been low carbing all weekend and I should be down more than two pounds. But I’ll take what I can get and just keep plugging away. While the carbs were kept generally low, I did have some sauces and gravies that had a few carbs in them, so the plan is to cut those out and also cut down on the AMOUNT of food that I’m consuming. I think I will be drinking Atkins shakes for dinner for the remainder of this week. I want to get into the 230’s soon. Hopefully within the next couple of days. I started my Power90 program this morning, that DVD is KILLER. The power yoga right at the beginning is brutal. The rest of the workout isn’t so bad, except for all the jumping, but man, I’m a bit sore from it, only a few hours later! I did the ‘sweat’ portion this morning, tomorrow I will do the ‘sculpt’. Tonight I will go to Curves on the way home, then walk for 40 minutes while I watch another episode of Nip/Tuck. Only two more episodes to go in the first season, then I gotta buy Season 2. Biggest Loser and Amazing Race are also on tonight, will probably have to tape at least one of those, but then I can watch them tomorrow while I’m walking. I don’t know what I’m going to do in a few weeks when all these shows have ended! Ack! So, keep your fingers crossed for 240 tomorrow!

244

Hey folks… still here, plugging away. I managed to eat myself up to 251 lbs while we were away for the weekend in Seattle, mostly from all the beer we drank at the Casino. Anyway, a lot of fun was had, and I gotta say, I am in LOVE with Red Lobster. We don’t have those around here, so we drove all over trying to find one while we were in the States, finally got there and gorged ourselves on all-you-can-eat shrimp. So, I’ve been dieting my ass off (literally) since we got back, and am back down to 244, mostly eating crustless quiche for breakfast, lettuce and tuna for lunch, and lean meat for dinner. Exercise is also going well – I have been walking for 40 minutes every morning on the treadmill, then trying to hit Curves on the way home from work whenever I can. I bought a shitload of low carb food last night, so hopefully I can keep on track this weekend. I’ve got 4 days off work, so it’ll be tough! Was out running errands yesterday at lunch and had a Mandarin Chicken Salad at Wendy’s. I gotta say, I’m not all that impressed. I have no idea why everyone is raving about Wendy’s salads!! Wilty iceberg lettuce, soggy mandarins, and a few cubes of chicken does not a spectactular salad make. It really chaps my banana that I had to pay more for a crap salad and a diet coke, than I would pay for a triple burger, biggie fries and a frosty. Where is the incentive to eat well??? *Sigh*

??? - I suck

OK, I’ve read through all of my normal daily reads – TWICE (had to check for updates!) – and now I have to just suck it up and write in my own journal. Yesterday was another shitty day, food-wise. Breakfast was a bad choice, lunch was a bad choice, and dinner was a bad choice. Oh, and that snack before bed? Also a bad choice. It’s so strange – I can almost hear the argument going on in my head about whether or not to eat something. It’s that whole devil & angel on my shoulder thing, but the damn food devil keeps winning. Gotta get that angel to the gym so she can bulk up and kick that devil’s ass when he gets mouthy. Leaving the grocery store last night, I thought to myself, ‘why did I just buy that? Why? Why?!?!?’ Then I promptly went home and turned the oven on before I even got my shoes off. Threw the goodies in the oven and before you knew it, I was sitting on the couch, so full I could hardly move. So today I am back on protein shakes, just for a couple of days until I can get back down to that 242 I saw last week. I bought a HUGE container of Proteins+ shake mix last week, and I’ve been slowly making my way through it – although I can’t wait to finish it cuz it’s kinda gross. I MUCH prefer the pre-mixed cans of meal replacements, although I’m having a hard time finding low-carb ones that aren’t $2 each. As much as I LOVE being Canadian, our shopping choices just aren’t as plentiful as in the US. So yeah, the plan is to stick to liquids today and tomorrow, which will be tough as we’re heading over to a friend's tonight. That always involves food and lots of drinking. Dammit.

246 - I'm back, though!

Sorry guys, I’ve been a slack ass for the past few days. I got a bad cold on Wednesday and have been lazing around on the couch ever since. Except for the Halloween party on Saturday night where we finally stumbled home at 5 a.m.! It was a blast though – I won for most original costume (I went as Holy Shit), and hubby won for funniest (Catholic Schoolgirl). And with the new month comes a new beginning. I will weigh 225 (or less) by the end of the month. Enough is enough and I’m not spending any more of my life being this fat. It’s disgusting. My clothes don’t fit, I’m embarrassed to go anywhere, I’m just done with it. So I will work out for at least an hour a day, and really watch what I am eating. I’m going to try to stick to a sensible eating plan, lots of veggies and lean meats with some protein shake substitutes. I can do this, really. I am going to Burger King for lunch tomorrow with a friend, and I will order a salad. We are also going to Seattle this weekend to see Rodney Carrington, but I will do my BEST to be good. Gotta watch my alcohol intake, which is tough enough, but we are also planning on eating at Red Lobster! Ack! Fried shrimp! After that, the rest of the month is event-free. Exercise should be good – I am planning on doing my Power90 DVD in the morning (as soon as it arrives), then Curves after work and a 1 hour walk at night. Buh bye, fat ass!

245

I suck. Yesterday I did really well up until the evening. I walked in the morning, packed a good lunch, all was well. Then I got a sore throat in the late afternoon, and just could not motivate myself to go to Curves. I decided to go grocery shopping instead. No biggie, then hubby calls me while I’m shopping and informs me that he’s made plans for us to go watch the hockey game at the pub. Doh! So I checked out my groceries and met him at the pub. I drank only diet Coke and water, but nibbled a bit – two bites of his clubhouse, a few sips of his soup, and one chicken wing. Got home about 7:30 and got a BAD case of the munchies. Had 6 meatballs with teriyaki sauce, and 3 chocolate chip cookies. Damn, what is WRONG with me? Why couldn’t I have just ordered a salad at the pub and been done with it? I was trying to be good and not eat, but I should know by now that it will just lead to a binge later. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Then I spent most of the night coughing and decided this morning that toast with low-carb peanut butter and jam would make me feel better. Um, not really. But it was good! I also have a dinner meeting tonight after work, so will be eating sandwiches, salad and ‘assorted squares’ for dinner. Gotta stay away from the squares. But I will get back on track tomorrow. I think I’m going to go back to a South Beach type plan – eggs & salsa for breakfast, salad for lunch, chicken & veg for dinner. And LOTS of walking. Lots. Maybe 90 to 120 minutes a day. I might try and set a goal of 500 minutes of walking per week. I can do that, right? I still want to see 240 by the weekend, so I have to get my ass in gear.

245

OK, it’s slowly going back down. I was hoping to see more of a loss today, but I did have some sushi for dinner last night. Only about 5 pieces, but still. White carbs = BAD! Exercise yesterday was good… 25 minutes on the treadmill in the morning, then Curves after work, and another 30 minutes on the treadmill. Plan is the same for today. Breakfast will be 2 eggs with salsa, lunch and dinner will be a Med salad (greek salad with lettuce and turkey breast). I’d really like to see 243 tomorrow so I have to be good tonight and not snack. I am going for groceries after work so I will probably get home around 6, get on the treadmill for a bit, then watch Biggest Loser and Amazing Race. I’m looking forward to Biggest Loser – it looks like they are combining the teams tonight and it’ll be individual challenges from here on out. I wish they’d do it that way from the beginning. That’s the fault in most reality shows, is starting out with two teams. Are you listening, Mark Burnett? I’m definitely not as hungry now that I’m eating solid food most of the time. The Med salad is especially filling, and tasty to boot! Chock full of veggies and lean turkey breast and low-calorie greek dressing. I just have to have gum or mints afterwards cuz of all the onions! We’ve got a big Halloween party to go to on Saturday night, it’s always a booze fest, and there will be lots of ‘gross goodies’ to eat, too. Have to try and exhibit some self control – after a few jello shooters, I tend to lose all willpower!

247 - BAD weekend!

Dude, I suck. I gained 5 POUNDS over the weekend. Shit! Hopefully it’s just carb bloat and it’ll be down tomorrow, but I dunno. I ate and drank a lot this weekend. But I did manage to buy and assemble a treadmill on Saturday though, so yay! I got up early today and did 25 minutes on it. I have also ordered Power90 DVDs and they should be here soon, so I will likely do those in the mornings and then 1 hour of walking at night (after Curves). I also bought Season 1 of Nip/Tuck, so I’m watching that while I walk. Such a good show. Hopefully I’ll get season 2 for Xmas. So, this week I will have a shake for breakfast, greek turkey salad for lunch, and a shake for dinner. Hubby is back to working days, so I’ll have to figure out what he’s going to eat for dinner. There’s no way he’ll do the shake thing. I’m not confident that I’ll see my goal of 235 by Halloween, but most likely will see 240. We’re going to a big Halloween party on Saturday, and fortunately I’m wearing a baggy costume. I can sure see a difference in my attitude from Friday, though. Back then I was ordering a size 14 dress, confident that I was losing fast and would fit into it soon. Today I’m feeling FAT and frumpy and hopeless. Bleh. That'll teach me to stuff my face all weekend.

242

One more gone. Not the 239 that I was hoping for, but that’ll be here in time. Had a pretty good day yesterday, but a couple of ‘slips’ after my dinner shake last night – a bowl of salad with salsa ranch dressing, and ½ cup of fat free pudding. Not too terrible, but I am supposed to be on strictly liquids this week! Oh well. I am going to try to stick to the program as best I can over the weekend, but it’s gonna be a challenge. I would really like to see 240 by Monday, but since weekends are so tough for me, I’ll be happy if I can just maintain. Oh, and it looks like Canadian Tire has a treadmill on sale this week, so I’ll pop by on Saturday and pick one up. Whopee!!! Hopefully I can log a couple of hours on it over the weekend. Gotta also buy a DVD box set of something (Nip/Tuck?) to watch while I’m walking. So, at this point I am steadily losing a pound a day. Hopefully I can keep that up. That’ll get me under 200 by Xmas, which is the ultimate goal right now. 5 lbs a week, that’s it! I can do it, as long as I keep my weekend eating under control. I found a REALLY nice dress online (www.alight.com) for $20, but they only have it in size 14. So I think I’m going to order it and hopefully it will fit me by Christmas (I’m currently wearing size 18/20). We’re also going to see Rodney Carrington in Seattle in two weeks – and if I stay on plan, I should be around 230. Still fucking huge, but better than now. I am going to make it my goal to be at 225 to see Rodney. With the treadmill and the diet, it should be possible.

Down another pound. Yay! But.... I had a bit of a slip-up last night – had about a cup of broccoli salad (in red wine vinaigrette); and ½ cup of fat free pudding. Man, I was so hungry last night. As I was eating it, I knew it was a bad decision, but I couldn’t get that voice in my head to shut up. It kept telling me that it’s only broccoli (and cheese & bacon!), it wouldn’t hurt, I deserved it, I hadn’t CHEWED anything in 3 days, blah, blah, blah. I have GOT to figure out how to bitch-slap that little voice! But I did go to Curves last night – that makes 3 days in a row, and I am going again tonight and tomorrow, too. So yeah, my clothes aren’t any looser yet, but I’ll get there soon. Another couple of weeks, hopefully. I’m thinking next week I will change things up a bit – have a shake for breakfast and lunch, then greek salad or coleslaw with chicken for dinner. I need food. But we’ll see what the scale says on Saturday. So far I’ve lost 7 pounds in 5 days of dieting. I really need to find myself a treadmill soon. I think doing more cardio will really help to get the weight off.

Today Hubby and I received financing to build another house on our property, so that will be my main focus over the next few months. We have some renovations to do to the current house, so we'll get on those right away, then pour the foundation for the new house. Then we'll put the old one up for sale, and move into the new one. Big plans, hopefully it all works out. I'd like to be in the new house by the Spring at the latest! And you can bet your ass that there WILL be a workout room in the new house!!

Another lb gone!

Down again. Only a pound this time, but I’ll take it. I am expecting one day of big loss in the next few days. It's just how my body works. Hopefully tomorrow! Anyway, I’m fairly hungry, but still getting by on 500 calories a day. Yesterday was another perfect eating day, so yes, it can be done. I also went to Curves again, and will try to go every night this week. My hubby is working evenings (4pm-midnight) this week so I've been on my own for dinner. He usually works the same hours I do, so we are used to eating together. As much as I miss him, it is SO much easier to stick to a liquid dinner when he's not there. Last night I got home about 6:30, drank my dinner and then puttered around the house and watched some TV. Tuesday is good TV night, with The Biggest Loser (great show) and Amazing Race (one the best shows out there). Gotta admit, there are a lot of teams that are bugging the crap out of me on the Amazing Race. The Linz family, bunch of obnoxious punks, and the Paolos? Those kids need a beating. Seriously.

3 days, 5 pounds!

Weighed in this morning and I'm down exactly 5 lbs so far. I can live with that. Yesterday was PERFECT, diet-wise. I ate exactly 500 calories, worked out hard at Curves; it was a great day. Hopefully I can keep it up. I’m going to do the exact same thing today, as I’m still wanting to see 240 by the weekend, maybe even less! Woo hoo! I was kinda hungry last night, but it was bearable. I had a protein shake for dinner around 6:30, served ice cold in a wine glass. Yeah, it’s stupid, but it feels more special when I drink it from a wine glass. Then I just plopped myself in front of the TV about 7 pm and waited for bedtime. My protein shakes right now are from London Drugs (Canadian drug store chain) and are 225 calories per can. I have two of those per day, plus a light hot chocolate (40 calories) and a diet jello cup (10 calories). That's it! They say the first 3 days are the hardest, then the hunger goes away somewhat. Hopefully that's true. My first major goal is to be under 200 by Xmas. There's a little over 9 weeks until then, so that means 5 pounds a week. It's gonna be tough, but I want it. Bad.

Well, the weekend didn’t go as well as I had hoped, but I am down 3 pounds so I did something right. I was really good on Saturday, although I did have a few bites that night. Nothing major, just a piece of sushi, a couple of prawns, a chicken wing and a piece of cheese. And I drank ONLY water. Yes, this is a first for my partying ass! Normally I would have had a plate full of food and probably 6 drinks. Go me! Sunday was not great food wise, but I still kept my calories pretty low. Today I am back on liquids, though. Light hot chocolate for breakfast, a protein shake for lunch and dinner. And a light jello cup for a snack. Didn’t get much exercise this weekend, either, except for shopping! I looked everywhere for a treadmill but couldn’t find a good deal. So tonight I will go to Curves on the way home. It’s pouring rain here today so no outside walks.

So far, so good...

Day 1 is going well so far. I woke up hungry but then it went away, so I ended up finally eating 1/2 cup of fat free key lime yogurt at 1:30 p.m. Now I'm a bit nippish, but it's nothing I can't handle. Dinner is going to be a challenge, we're going to hang out with some friends tonight for 'appys and drinks'. Since I'm neither eating nor drinking, I'll just bring a six pack of bottled water and try to be the life of the party sober. That'll be a change.

Food yesterday wasn't as bad as it could have been. Dinner was two slices of pizza. That's it! Oh well, pizza is a good 'last meal' I guess...

Tommorow I start!

October 14, 2005 - My last official day of 'pigging out' freedom. In my sick little mind, I am having gastric bypass surgery today. Starting tomorrow, I will eat as if my intestines have been rearranged. Generally, that means that I can only have 1/2 cup of liquids, 5 times per day. I'm going to be incredibly hungry, but there are worse things in life, right? I will also be working out 4-5 days a week,at Curves for now, and soon will buy a treadmill. I am a major TV junkie (shocking, I know - a fatty with a TV addiction?) so will put a treadmill in front of the TV and watch while I move my ass.

A little background about myself - I am a 32 year old Canadian female, happily married and trying to conceive. I am employed as an administrative assistant at a hospital, a job which requires a lot of sitting on my rapidly expanding ass. I'm currently weighing in at 250 pounds and ultimately would like to see 150, a number which I have not seen since I was 19. I've tried every diet out there, every pill, every exercise gadget and video. Some work, some don't, but I never seem to be able to stick to anything. Maybe this time will be different. I'm hoping that keeping a public blog will keep me accountable to others who are reading, help me keep on track.